While women are busy sharing cocktail recipes in our group chats, men are trading sexual assault tactics in theirs. And the good guys™ are more outraged by this headline than that fact.
As a man, I write the following: 70K men comparing notes on how to assault women is horrifying. That's not a chat group. That is a terrorist organization. Damn.
I'm a trans masculine person and have frankly been appalled at the inability for men to recognize that it is A LOT of us doing this (although I don't use man as a label I still feel I qualify for the purpose of this statement). "Not all men" is a deflection against criticism and scrutiny without extreme cause. But, as a victim of assault myself, they are almost always invisible. Mine was invisible.
"Not all men" keeps women from seeing justice in the same way "all lives matter" deflected attention from systemic racism. Yes, not all men are rapist, yes all lives do matter, but saying that in response to ACTUAL SYSTEMIC ISSUES is never an appropriate response. It dilutes the actual issue instead of addressing what is actually happening: The horrible and massive assaults on women and feminine identifying people.
I extend my deepest sympathies to others who have experienced assault.
Thanks for the article, well reported. Unfortunately not an inch of me is surprised and I hate that for us. Seriously though, the way things are heading with an actual rapist felons soon to be running things in US again very soon it really is a slap in the face for all women. I’m in the UK where the new Labour government are going to be cleaning up the stench from the previous Conservatives who had MPs guilty of DV, SA inside the Houses of Parliament. The judiciary need a big kick up the backside as it seems to me sentencing is not giving the vile crimes the serious length of time they deserve. So where do we go next? Too long men are getting away it which clearly makes them think they are untouchable.
Thank you! Yes I am also not surprised. Horrified, but not surprised. I wish I knew exactly where to go from here. But I do know "good men" need to be doing and saying A LOT more to the rest of them.
Not all men? Well guess what, all women are afraid of you because we don't know who's trying to harm and rape us, so yeah. It's all women who are afraid of you. And what are you gonna do about that?
Wow. Over 50% in the US? And I thought 20% in Australia was bad.🥺
Although there's not an immense amount of confidence in that 20%. And before some idiot leaps in, no, the issue is that it's probably a lot higher due to unreported rapes. Like mine.
I'd love to get some comedians at the next Melbourne Comedy Festival to do a show of hands - "have you been raped or sexually assaulted? Put your hand up." "Leave it up if you didn't report it". I suspect it would be a lot higher 😔
I've been raped twice by two different men. I didn't report either of them because the first one was an ex-boyfriend I was living with at the time, and the second was date rape, and that wasn't really taken seriously at all back the. I'm now 55 and happily married and my husband is just as outraged about this as I am.
So pathetic. And yeah, the de-humanizing use of the word “female” instead of woman makes my blood boil. We’re not a member of some alien species, guys, we’re people!
In general, women dread testifying in court because they must face their abusers in court. The Constitution guarantees it. Problem is, it was written by men. They haven’t got a clue.
Here’s a thought: why isn’t there a 70K-strong women’s network discussing active, cooperative, _violent_, means of direct action against known rapists and abusers? I suggest kneecapping.
Hey Peter. Well there are in a way. They are called self-defense classes and they happen hourly across the planet. But to your point why isn't there a 70K-strong men’s network discussing how to stop rapists and abusers?
What violence are you advocating there Peter, and how would women kneecapping men after the fact create a safer or more just world than actual justice?
Perhaps you and I can agree to meet in some neutrally safe place with lanterns so we can go about looking for that “actual justice” you speak of. I’m sure if we look hard enough, perhaps combing the bushes like the NYPD in Central Park, we’ll find it.
Or, perhaps, we could instead recognize the natural justice in the Rough Music visiting some of these rapists and advocates for rape who walk about with impunity.
As a man, I write the following: 70K men comparing notes on how to assault women is horrifying. That's not a chat group. That is a terrorist organization. Damn.
100% a terrorist organization.
Was this reported to the FBI?
I'm a trans masculine person and have frankly been appalled at the inability for men to recognize that it is A LOT of us doing this (although I don't use man as a label I still feel I qualify for the purpose of this statement). "Not all men" is a deflection against criticism and scrutiny without extreme cause. But, as a victim of assault myself, they are almost always invisible. Mine was invisible.
"Not all men" keeps women from seeing justice in the same way "all lives matter" deflected attention from systemic racism. Yes, not all men are rapist, yes all lives do matter, but saying that in response to ACTUAL SYSTEMIC ISSUES is never an appropriate response. It dilutes the actual issue instead of addressing what is actually happening: The horrible and massive assaults on women and feminine identifying people.
I extend my deepest sympathies to others who have experienced assault.
Yes exactly, Outis. So well explained!
Exactly this. Thank you.
her pathetic bullshit keeps white women from wanting to seek help but I don't see you talking about that
yeah,her "poor black women get it worse" totally doesn't do that does it
I couldn’t click that “like” button without my soul withering a little. But thank you for writing this. Fuck this shit.
Yes I totally get what you mean!
And yet, I'm not at all surprised.
Sadly me neither
Thanks for the article, well reported. Unfortunately not an inch of me is surprised and I hate that for us. Seriously though, the way things are heading with an actual rapist felons soon to be running things in US again very soon it really is a slap in the face for all women. I’m in the UK where the new Labour government are going to be cleaning up the stench from the previous Conservatives who had MPs guilty of DV, SA inside the Houses of Parliament. The judiciary need a big kick up the backside as it seems to me sentencing is not giving the vile crimes the serious length of time they deserve. So where do we go next? Too long men are getting away it which clearly makes them think they are untouchable.
Thank you! Yes I am also not surprised. Horrified, but not surprised. I wish I knew exactly where to go from here. But I do know "good men" need to be doing and saying A LOT more to the rest of them.
Not all men? Well guess what, all women are afraid of you because we don't know who's trying to harm and rape us, so yeah. It's all women who are afraid of you. And what are you gonna do about that?
And then they wonder why women don’t respect them anymore nor want to breed with them.
Wow. Over 50% in the US? And I thought 20% in Australia was bad.🥺
Although there's not an immense amount of confidence in that 20%. And before some idiot leaps in, no, the issue is that it's probably a lot higher due to unreported rapes. Like mine.
I'd love to get some comedians at the next Melbourne Comedy Festival to do a show of hands - "have you been raped or sexually assaulted? Put your hand up." "Leave it up if you didn't report it". I suspect it would be a lot higher 😔
BELIEVE WOMEN.
Thank you for coming to my TED talk.
Thank you for this important post.
Not easy to write or read, but important -- because much harder for women everywhere to experience
I've been raped twice by two different men. I didn't report either of them because the first one was an ex-boyfriend I was living with at the time, and the second was date rape, and that wasn't really taken seriously at all back the. I'm now 55 and happily married and my husband is just as outraged about this as I am.
I'm truly sorry to read about your awful experience. Twice! So sad.
I'm encouraged you are happily married now. I wonder how you managed to keep optimistic and not lose all faith in men after the second rape.
I'm not sure I would have been able to, despite being a man myself.
Bravo for having the courage to share your story!
Thanks for writing this. Saying, "Not all men," in response to women is equivalent to saying, "All lives matter" in response to BLM.
So pathetic. And yeah, the de-humanizing use of the word “female” instead of woman makes my blood boil. We’re not a member of some alien species, guys, we’re people!
In general, women dread testifying in court because they must face their abusers in court. The Constitution guarantees it. Problem is, it was written by men. They haven’t got a clue.
Not surprised at all!!! This is what I mean when their thoughts are dark and dangerous. Thank you for this warning.
You're welcome. A horrible article to write.
Here’s a thought: why isn’t there a 70K-strong women’s network discussing active, cooperative, _violent_, means of direct action against known rapists and abusers? I suggest kneecapping.
Hey Peter. Well there are in a way. They are called self-defense classes and they happen hourly across the planet. But to your point why isn't there a 70K-strong men’s network discussing how to stop rapists and abusers?
I am for that kind of network, of true men., yes.
But I also think there’s a tendency in many men (and in not a few women) to put men in a paternalistic “protector” role over women.
I would not be for the latter, even as I share with my spouse the role of looking out for our family.
What violence are you advocating there Peter, and how would women kneecapping men after the fact create a safer or more just world than actual justice?
Perhaps you and I can agree to meet in some neutrally safe place with lanterns so we can go about looking for that “actual justice” you speak of. I’m sure if we look hard enough, perhaps combing the bushes like the NYPD in Central Park, we’ll find it.
Or, perhaps, we could instead recognize the natural justice in the Rough Music visiting some of these rapists and advocates for rape who walk about with impunity.
https://open.substack.com/pub/fredericpoag/p/some-of-yall-need-to-stop-chastising